Perfectly Untouched

My childhood was much different than the kids of today.

I did not take selfies, post pictures of all my meals, watch makeup tutorials, and make musical.ly videos. I did not own a phone (my parents shared one flip phone) The most high-tech thing we did, was sometimes my siblings and I would all crowd around the tiny screen to watch a Looney Toons when we weren't supposed to, and other times we would make these types of masterpieces on our huge desktop monitor:

I sometimes look back at old photographs and see my tangled hair and horrible clothing choices and say "Mom, you should've slapped some sense into me, and made me dress better." or sometimes I wish I had watched more TV so that I could see what was fashionable and what wasn't.

But in reality, I am so, so glad I didn't.

Instead of being jealous of people's $50 manicures, I remember I would dig my fingers deep into mud and make "pies" for mom.

Instead of caring about the latest hair trend and styling products, I remember riding my bike as fast as I could, letting the wind whip through my hair, making it look like a rat's nest afterwards.

Instead of wishing I could look like bikini-clad models in magazines, I remember playing with my dolls and stuffed animals, pretending like I was on a boat, and rescuing them all from a huge flood.

Instead of watching movies, (aside from Pooh Bear and Aristocats) I would make up productions and plays with my cousins to perform for our family and would be giggling too much to even say my lines.

I remember baking cookies and treats with grandma, loving the feeling of the soft dough on my fingers, not caring about the flour under my nails.

I would read books about the Boxcar Children and Nancy Drew, and tried to write my own mystery books by stapling together notebook paper.

I would put together puzzles, make paper dolls, play with toy cars and boats and make huge cities with blocks and Polly Pockets.

My mom would let me pick out my own outfits to wear, making me feel important and grown up.

So the thing is, I am so grateful that my parents sheltered me from the big, scary world.
My little mind remained perfectly untouched by the destructive media.

It was because of this, that I had such a happy childhood.

I was allowed to be a kid, and did not suffer the heartaches of feeling like I needed to be as pretty as this person, or wear this kind of clothing to be cool, or do this, or have that.

I feel bad for a lot of the kids whose minds are so polluted by things that they can't help but see and hear in public schools.

I feel bad for kids who are so self-destructive because of the constant comparisons that are filtering through their heads.

So if I were ever to give a piece of advice to anyone younger than me, it would be this:

There is nothing wrong with being a kid. You're an adult for most of your life, so be a kid while you can still be considered one.

Do not focus on what other people are saying is cool. Trends leave (and look silly years later), styles fade, and people's outer beauty withers away.

Instead, focus on serving God and becoming more of a loving person. Be kind, be honest, and don't take people's hateful comments to heart, because they shouldn't matter to you.

If you can learn to not care about what people think, and only care about God's opinion of you, then you will be the happiest person alive.

Romans 12:2-

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

It's Just a Joke

Something has bothered me ever since I was little, and I never knew why until I wrote it out, and it all sort of made sense to me. 

When people say jokes or just silly things, using God or the Bible as a base for it. 

I usually laugh along with everyone else.

But still... It has always bothered me, and I have only just recently found out why.

There is a certain song that is very beautiful, and has deep lyrics, and it means a lot to me personally. 

One day, it was stuck in my head. 

What I normally do when a song is stuck in my head is sing one part of it over and over without even thinking. It got to a point where I was so tired of it being stuck in my head that I "innocently" started singing one part of it in silly, exaggerated voices.

This was several months ago, but now, whenever I hear that song, all I can think of is it being sung in my silly voices.

Now, this song is nowhere near as important or sacred as the Bible, but you get the memo. 

The song lost some of it's meaning to me because I made light of it, and the same thing can happen with God and the Bible. 

When we make jokes about the Bible, we will never be able to think about it without thinking of the joke that is attached to that certain part in our brains, making it seem silly and unimportant in our minds. 

It has been tarnished...defiled, in a way.

In Bible times, you not only had to cleanse your mind to enter the temple, but you also had to literally bathe your body. As to not defile anything in relation to God, with your thoughts or even your appearance.

The Jews were not even allowed to speak the name of God as to hold its reverence. 

Nowadays, professed Christians use the name of God as a form of exclamation, and the base for jokes.

If we, as Christians cannot take the Gospel seriously, then how do we expect people that we are trying to witness to to take it seriously? 

Please know, if you do tell "Christian jokes" I will not judge you at all. That is something you choose to do, and maybe it doesn't change anything of how you think of the Bible. So this is not a slam on anyone who does. All I am doing is asking you to think about how that will affect your mind and other's  minds before you speak. 

Here is an example of what I'm talking about:

When we show children pictures of Noah's ark that looks like this:

Then that's what they'll picture it as for a long time, if not their whole life. A tiny little boat, with animals sticking their heads out, looking at perfectly peaceful waters, and Noah looking clueless. 

That is why I love what Ken Ham is doing by building a life-sized ark to show people what it actually looked like, and to give people a new image of it in their minds.

1 Peter 3:15-

"But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect..."

Hebrews 12:28b

"...and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe..."

God's Plan Is Not Open To Suggestions

This is a hard lesson that my stubborn little mind doesn't want me to learn.

God's plan is not open to suggestions.

Just what it says. No, it doesn't matter how eloquent your prayer is, or how much you plead with God, it will always turn out that God's original plan will happen, regardless of what you do to stop or change it. 

But does that mean that we should stop praying? 

No. Absolutely not. 

But instead of praying for this and this to happen, and for you to be able to buy this, or get that, pray for God's will to be done; the way Jesus prayed in the garden before He was about to die. 

Luke 22:42-

"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done."

Keep in mind that while Jesus was fully God, He was also 100% human, meaning that He felt pain and fear, and He didn't want to go through this horrible death.

But He didn't pray saying: "God, please, please, please don't make me do this!" 

No, He prayed that the Father's will be done, regardless of how scared He was. 

Also, don't just pray for God's will to be done, also pray that you will be willing to accept it with a grateful heart, no matter what it entails. 

Praying this way will increase your trust and love for the Lord. 

Do not pray in a selfish manner. That does nothing for your walk with God. Pray in a humble way, willing to fold to God's will.

James 4:3-

"You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures."

*Gasp* College is Not For Everyone

A couple months ago, I was practically being crushed under the weight of my own doubts and insecurities. I really did not feel like I was being called to go to college. I felt like it wasn't right for me, and like God had different plans for me. That's great, right? To each his own. 

It wasn't great. Not for me. All my friends were planning on college. They all (seemingly) had it figured out. Whenever I told anyone that I was a senior, the first question they always asked was 
"What college are you going to?" 

It was embarrassing for me to say that I probably wasn't going to college. 

What else are people who graduate are supposed to do, right?

Nobody was pressuring me intentionally. But it was small, very silly things that got to me. 

Such as articles called "Six Things You Need To Know Before Going To University" 

Or those college advertisements on Pandora. 

Or when I saw "Dorm-Friendly" items at the store. 

But especially when people asked what college I was going to. And then when I told them I wasn't, then their response of something like this "Oh... so what are you going to do then?" 

I would cry alone in my room and these lies would filter through my brain:
"Why am I too stupid for college?", 
"I'm going to be the only one who isn't ready and excited next fall.", 
"I won't have a good occupation later on.", 
"I'll regret this when I'm 35.", 
"I'll never be as good as everyone else."

After a lot of talking to my parents, and praying, I realized that I didn't have to go to college. I didn't have to fulfill anyone's expectations that every high school graduate would go to University. It was all in my head. I was ready to accept what God had for me, even if it was way different than every other person my age.

Then comes the funny part. I was reminded of my passion for hurting people, and how I love the idea of counseling. I realized that God wanted me to go to college for Biblical Counseling. 

Well, I totally just went through all that pain for nothing. 

WRONG. 

I went through that pain for a reason. I learned that I needed to follow God no matter where He takes me. Even if everyone thinks I'm weird or stupid. I need to disregard their opinions of me, and only focus on God's opinion of me. 

So even though I've decided that I do want to go to college, I learned a valuable lesson. 

I also know that there are people who truly aren't called to further education, and this next part is for you:

DO NOT. Repeat: DO NOT go to college because you feel left out. If GOD is telling to do something else, then do not let ANYONE tell you to do anything else. God is the ultimate authority. He knew what was good for you long, long before you were even born. 

Don't go to college for this reason: because that's the "thing to do", or because you don't want to let people down. 

Do what God is telling you to do. Your life will go so much better if you fold to His will. 

Look at the pain I went through and learn from that, so that you don't have to go through it too. 

It really doesn't matter what other people think if you have God on your side.

There's so many Bible verses about this, but I'll post three.

Galatians 1:10- 
For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Proverbs 29:25-
The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.

Acts 5:29-
But Peter and the apostles answered, “We must obey God rather than men.

Who Are YOU?

"Who am I?" 

   Is it just me, or do other people ask themselves this question every other day too? 

   I've lately been feeling like I'm not who I originally started out as when I was younger, and I think that it didn't come from natural growth. 

   I think I molded myself into a person that I really am not, by force. 

   When I was little, I was the daintiest little thing. I always tried to act grown up and sophisticated. I liked the color pink and lacy things and having tea parties. I liked the idea of being a queen (not a princess, mind you, but a queen). I remember feeling like kindness was the best thing in the world, and didn't understand why anyone would think otherwise. I was very sensitive, but felt the need to hold my head high for the sake of grace and elegance. 

   My older sister was the perfect opposite of me... and I thought the world of her. 
   She loved things like riding bikes and climbing trees and making bows and arrows out of sticks and string. She and my brother always stayed outside in the snow much longer than I would. We would all make mud pies together, but she got much dirtier than I would. I was always the one at the bottom of the tree watching in fear at how high she was climbing. She was mischievous and funny.

   I thought she was the coolest person on the planet (I mean, I still think that). I wanted to be like her. I hated the fact that I was so sensitive when it seemed like she could take on anything. 
I hated the fact that I always would exclude myself from the things they did because I didn't want to get my hands dirty. I hated the fact that she was always commended on how many books she's read, when all I really did was play with my dolls. 

   That's when I decided I was going to change. I was gonna be more like her. 

   I saw everything as a challenge. You can do 10 pushups? I can do 12. Dad asked her to carry a heavy box? I'm gonna do it. You can read three books in a week? I'm gonna read four. You can climb a tree? ...yeeaaahhh...I still can't climb trees. 

   Long story short, it worked. I did change. It was great. I could finally keep up with my older siblings and I was constantly complimented on how great a reader I was becoming. It got so bad that I changed my favorite color to blue. 
   
   As I grew up, I started liking the change. I hardened myself to a point where I wouldn't cry during movies or if someone said something mean-spirited. But with that particular change also came the fact that I had lost some of my compassion that I was so proud of just a few years earlier. 

   Today, I am a lot less girly and elegant than I used to be. I still have a lot of my old traits that I could never have gotten rid of, such as my love for art and beauty, but I have lost a lot of tenderness, I've become more snarky and sometimes unintentionally rude and disrespectful. I don't have the same sense of awe of the world like I used to, instead it's been replaced by a deep, gut-wrenching disgust. 

   I often look back and ponder on how different of a person I might be today if I had been content with who I was back then. 

   I regret the fact that I changed because I thought that one personality type was better than mine. I regret that I didn't know that God made us each unique and different for His glory. My personality fits me perfectly, and my sister's personality fits her perfectly. 

   So, if you're wishing you could be more like someone else, please, please, please don't change for anyone. God truly did make you who you are for a reason, and He doesn't want you trying to go and change that. 

   This, however, does not include bettering yourself by trying to get rid of bad habits or things you struggle with in general. That's a part of maturing. But if you try to change your personality for someone or because of someone, that's when it all goes downhill. 

  I've been working to re-obtain that gift that I had when I was little. That balance between being sensitive, but also not allowing myself to get hurt easily. 

   Through God's help, I can correct my faults and mistakes, and HE will be the one to mold me into what He wants me to be. 

1 Peter 4:10-
God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another.

Isaiah 64:8-
 Yet you, LORD, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.

Note: I have a great relationship with all of my siblings. We've all grown to love each other very much. Also, my sister and I have grown from being stark different to being very much alike. 

 
 

An Unspoken Promise

Note: I wasn't going to post this. I mostly wrote this as a reminder to myself of why I need to be content with being single. But then I thought that it might be helpful to other people too. 

   "I need a boyfriend." 

   "I need a girlfriend." 

   How many of you have thought this one time or another? I know I have. 

Even though I am perfectly content being single right now, there are times where I look at two people holding hands, or smiling at each other with a type of affection that I can't help but envy. 

   Just like most girls, I fantasized about boys from a very young age... probably from ages 9 to 13 or 14. 

   I thought about how wonderful it would be to have a special someone who would open doors for me and give me chocolate (Lots and lots of chocolate). I will say, I probably wasn't as boy crazy as a lot of girls are, thanks to homeschooling, but I definitely did have my crushes. 

   When I first got into highschool, I started seeing the ugly side of young dating in my friends, and other girls that I knew. Lack of maturity, short-lived flings, break ups, lots of pain and anger...

I thought to myself:

"Do I really want to put myself through this?" 

I mean, yeah, it's fun to be able to tell your friends that you have a boyfriend and feel so grown up, but that's really all that can come out of it at such a young age. 

   Seeing this, I made an unspoken promise to myself not to date in high school. 

   No, I do not believe that people who do date in high school are stupid, or bad. I just made that decision for myself, because I didn't want to go through that. 

   Of course though, if God was telling me directly, that it is in His plan for me to date someone, I have no authority to make my silly little promise more important than God's will for my life.

   I'm a senior now. So far, I've been true to my promise.

  

   It's not as hard as I thought it would be, and at the same time, it is harder than I thought it would be.

   I've seen many more friends try to pursue a more serious relationship with someone and then it end in flames and heartbreak. 

   But there is always those times where I feel insufficient. Like I'm not good enough because I don't have a boyfriend. 

   This is the part where most bloggers would probably say something along the lines of:

"But I don't care what other people think. I'm a perfect person who has no flaws and is strong and independant, and I don't need a man to tell me that.":

   I'm not going to say that, because it definitely isn't true. To be completely honest, I'm a deeply flawed human being who is insecure and constantly needs the approval of man to keep me from hating myself. 

   And maybe that's why I'm not ready to date right now.

   Having a boyfriend would prevent me from letting God work those flaws and wrong thoughts out of me. Since I'm single right now, I'm able to focus on not needing or trying to please anyone except God. 

     I need to fix my eyes on the fact that seeking constant approval from people will only hurt me more. 

   I need to accept that my Lord and Savior sees me as His child, and His creation that He called GOOD. 

 That's why I'm single. That's why I'm content with being single. That's why I made a promise.

Ephesians 2:10-

"For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."

Psalm 139:14- 
"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well."

When I Am Afraid...

To be perfectly honest, when I start to get caught up in the fear of my past or future, I withdraw into myself. I sit alone and think of all the ways I have a terrible life. 

Surprise, surprise, I make myself feel worse. 

But something about my human nature tells me that giving into my fears will somehow save me from them. 

But that's not true. As a matter of fact, now that I'm actually writing it down, it seems absolutely stupid that I do that. But when I'm actually in the moment of grief, it makes sense somehow. 

Why do we do that to ourselves? Why do we neglect God when He is literally the only way that we can recover? 

I've recently read this verse: 

"The name of the LORD is a fortified tower; the righteous run to it and are safe."
Proverbs 8:10

I, in no way think that I'm righteous. And how could I be? I do neglect God in times of need. I always go back to Him whenever I'm only in the most dire of situations. He is always my last resort, when I have no other way to turn. 

Why is that?! 

I fight this war inside me: my heart against my flesh. 

I want to solve my problems by myself. I can do this alone... Right? No.  Sadly, we can't. If we could, why would we need a God? 

It's so hard to try to get it through my thick skull that I can't solve my problems on my own. 

But that's the beautiful thing about being a child of God. 

Whenever I mess up, I can bring Him my broken self and He will remake me. 

And the best part about it, that I still can't wrap my head around, is the fact that He never has regrets about anything: creating me, putting me into the family and life I'm in. He doesn't regret accepting me into His family or forgiving me over and over again, even when I keep making the same mistakes. 

I am a wretched, sinful, disgusting human being. But I am BLAMELESS before the Lord.

-Christy

Faith Enough To Pray

I close my Bible once again after reading words that mean nothing to me.

I finish praying an empty prayer with words that have no significance to my heart.

My stomach feels weak. My chest feels empty. 

"What's wrong with me?" 

Once again, I feel disconnected from God. It seems like this happens all the time, and I never know why. 

It's not like I suddenly stopped praying or reading my Bible or anything. It's just that sometimes out of nowhere, I stop feeling God's presence no matter what I do. 

It wasn't until I started writing about it in my journal that the answer popped into my head.  

I've started realizing that words that used to mean so much to me and explain exactly how I feel to God have grown dull and overused because I can't think of any better way to say it. 

I've started realizing that I've grown tired of how much I say "I am such a worthless wretch who does not deserve You.". If I've grown tired of the endless amounts of times that I mess up then repent and do it over again, then surely God must be tired of me. Surely no one can forgive someone that many times, and not feel any disdain towards them!

I've started realizing that my prayers had become faithless because of that. 

I didn't believe that God could actually keep forgiving me as much as He does.

I felt ashamed before His throne. But not in a good way. I didn't feel humiliated to a point of awe... I felt humiliated to a point where I felt doubtful of His power. 

I then began to wonder. "How does one have faith?" 

This is one of the hardest questions I've put against myself because having faith doesn't consist of a certain amount of physical accomplishments.

There's no checklist: "Do these three things and you'll suddenly be filled with faith and trust!"

No, faith is something that you have to choose to have. You have to be able to mentally immerse yourself in His truths in order to obtain faith.

It's difficult because humans are very physically-oriented creatures. It's a strange thing to us to not be able to achieve something through deeds and actions.

Even though I don't by any means have it figured out, I do know this:

James 1:5

"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you."

I'll end on that note.

Introductions Are In Order...

Hello.

My name is Christy. 

This is my blog. 

Duh.

I don't think this blog will become popular, I don't even know if anyone will actually read it. 

But that's okay.

I mostly made this blog for my own entertainment anyway. 

If in case the person reading this right now doesn't happen to know me, or know about my life, but wishes to, allow me to tell you.

I am the third out of four children in my family. My only sister is the oldest, I have an older brother and a younger brother. My two older siblings are in college, so right now it is just me and my little bro.

My father has been a pastor ever since I can first remember. Because of this fact, my life is not "average"... whatever that word means, or whatever people think it means. 

I've moved over nine times in the last sixteen years (that's an average of  less than 2 years per place I've lived) 

My family has just recently started helping with a mission for Haiti (7:10 Foundation).

So that we would be more mobile and it would be easier to move around, we sold our house and bought an RV to live in instead. 

Right now, both of my parents are currently in Haiti for the first time. My little brother and I are still here in America. We have yet to go to Haiti, but depending on what happens along the way, we might be going in January. 

That's pretty much a disgustingly shortened version of my life for now. But after all, this is just an introduction...