Note: I wasn't going to post this. I mostly wrote this as a reminder to myself of why I need to be content with being single. But then I thought that it might be helpful to other people too.
"I need a girlfriend."
How many of you have thought this one time or another? I know I have.
Even though I am perfectly content being single right now, there are times where I look at two people holding hands, or smiling at each other with a type of affection that I can't help but envy.
Just like most girls, I fantasized about boys from a very young age... probably from ages 9 to 13 or 14.
I thought about how wonderful it would be to have a special someone who would open doors for me and give me chocolate (Lots and lots of chocolate). I will say, I probably wasn't as boy crazy as a lot of girls are, thanks to homeschooling, but I definitely did have my crushes.
When I first got into highschool, I started seeing the ugly side of young dating in my friends, and other girls that I knew. Lack of maturity, short-lived flings, break ups, lots of pain and anger...
I thought to myself:
"Do I really want to put myself through this?"
I mean, yeah, it's fun to be able to tell your friends that you have a boyfriend and feel so grown up, but that's really all that can come out of it at such a young age.
Seeing this, I made an unspoken promise to myself not to date in high school.
No, I do not believe that people who do date in high school are stupid, or bad. I just made that decision for myself, because I didn't want to go through that.
Of course though, if God was telling me directly, that it is in His plan for me to date someone, I have no authority to make my silly little promise more important than God's will for my life.
I'm a senior now. So far, I've been true to my promise.
It's not as hard as I thought it would be, and at the same time, it is harder than I thought it would be.
I've seen many more friends try to pursue a more serious relationship with someone and then it end in flames and heartbreak.
But there is always those times where I feel insufficient. Like I'm not good enough because I don't have a boyfriend.
This is the part where most bloggers would probably say something along the lines of:
"But I don't care what other people think. I'm a perfect person who has no flaws and is strong and independant, and I don't need a man to tell me that.":
I'm not going to say that, because it definitely isn't true. To be completely honest, I'm a deeply flawed human being who is insecure and constantly needs the approval of man to keep me from hating myself.
And maybe that's why I'm not ready to date right now.
Having a boyfriend would prevent me from letting God work those flaws and wrong thoughts out of me. Since I'm single right now, I'm able to focus on not needing or trying to please anyone except God.
I need to fix my eyes on the fact that seeking constant approval from people will only hurt me more.
I need to accept that my Lord and Savior sees me as His child, and His creation that He called GOOD.
That's why I'm single. That's why I'm content with being single. That's why I made a promise.
Ephesians 2:10-
"For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."
Psalm 139:14-
"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well."
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