I Am a Human

I am a human.

I am insecure.

I need you to constantly tell me that I am a great person for me to feel good about myself.

I am paranoid.

If I get 30 likes instead of 34 likes on my Instagram, I'll wonder what I did wrong and why no one loves me.

I am deluded.

I think that everyone is constantly talking and thinking about me... when in reality, everyone only thinks about me as much, if not less, than I think about them.

I am selfish.

I wonder sometimes why I don't have a best friend who I do everything with and talk to about everything... and I think it's because no one loves me... when in fact, I have many amazing friends.

I am a liar.

If the truth inconveniences me, I will cover it up and pretend it never happened just to make myself sound better.

I am human.

Today was one of those days where I sat  down on my bed and thought about how horrible of a person I am.

But...

I am forgiven.

Today was also one of those days where I realized that God knows all the things I've done, including the things I have not written here.
He knows all of the crimes I've committed... And yet still... He chooses to forgive me.

He sent Jesus Christ to be nailed to a crude mount of splintered wood.

He sent HIS ONLY SON to take upon Himself the weight of the sin of every single disgusting human and to put those sins behind us.

He chose to forgive us.

He chose to forgive ME.

All those things I listed before... God knows about them and He says that they don't matter.
I'm His child and He is ready to forgive me just as soon as I am willing to let go of those sins.

Romans 10:9-10
"...because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved."

I am content.

Since I have Jesus in my heart, I don't have to face my trials alone. I will always have God... not by my side, but as my guide and leader. I never have to be afraid.

I am saved.

Satan is Our Protector?

   This post will be a little different . 

   Today I saw something that disturbed me. It was a screenshot of some person's Facebook post. This is what it said:

"The Devil gave humans critical thinking, which God didn't want. He wanted us to not eat of the tree of the knowledge of whatever so that we would basically be thought-slaves for all of eternity, but the devil did us a favor and turned the tables there with a single conversation. 

Also, the devil killed a grand total of 10 people in the Bible, while God killed somewhere around 2.3 million.

The devil understands human nature, but doesn't judge you for being human. 

He accepts God's unwanted children unconditionally. 

He's not our hero, he's our silent guardian. A watchful protector. 

A dark knight." 

This sickened me for many reasons. 

1. The writer's lack of Biblical understanding.

2. The demonization of God.

3. How this person romanticized Satan and made him look angelic.

   This post is mostly for me, and cementing my own beliefs, and also for other people who might be unsure, or who might believe any of what was said above. 

   So here we go. 

   First of all, Satan did not give us critical thinking. God created the world without sin. The tree of the knowledge of good and evil was created so that he could give humans freewill. It would technically be Adam and Eve's decision to have evil in the world or not. 

The very fact that God created the tree, and gave humans freewill completely destroys the idea that God wants us to be his "thought-slaves". 

   Satan deceived Eve into believing that eating of the tree's fruit would make her like God. In a way, it would, because she would know about the existence of evil, and have the potential to be and do evil. But! What he didn't tell her is that eating of the tree would also introduce death into the world.
Satan hates all mankind, and so that was the beginning of his plan to destroy us.

   As for the killing, yes, there were many wars in the Bible. Many that God approved of. But they all took place so that God's ultimate plan could come together. (much like an author of a book still kills off some of his beloved characters to form the plot)
Now Satan, he kills so many more people. He deceives millions upon millions every day to keep us from following God.

   Satan does not love or protect us, he works hard every day to lie and destroy us. When someone dies, unsaved, his work is complete with them, and he gets to bring their soul to his domain in Hell.

   God does not have any unwanted children. He has his arms wide open to everyone. But since he is a loving God who doesn't work with "mind control", He gives everyone a choice.

   Sadly, many people reject Him. Satan loves this, because it is another soul that he can torture and destroy. 

   So you see, whoever wrote this post got it backwards. God loves us so much, and Satan just seeks to hurt us. 

   Please don't fall victim to these lies. It's so easy to see something on the internet and believe it. But Satan uses these kinds of things to deceive people into thinking he is their friend and protector and that is a deadly lie to believe. 

   This is all I have to say for now, but please if anyone you know believes things like this, please tell them the truth. Being silent in instances like this could cost someone their soul. 

Perfectly Untouched

My childhood was much different than the kids of today.

I did not take selfies, post pictures of all my meals, watch makeup tutorials, and make musical.ly videos. I did not own a phone (my parents shared one flip phone) The most high-tech thing we did, was sometimes my siblings and I would all crowd around the tiny screen to watch a Looney Toons when we weren't supposed to, and other times we would make these types of masterpieces on our huge desktop monitor:

I sometimes look back at old photographs and see my tangled hair and horrible clothing choices and say "Mom, you should've slapped some sense into me, and made me dress better." or sometimes I wish I had watched more TV so that I could see what was fashionable and what wasn't.

But in reality, I am so, so glad I didn't.

Instead of being jealous of people's $50 manicures, I remember I would dig my fingers deep into mud and make "pies" for mom.

Instead of caring about the latest hair trend and styling products, I remember riding my bike as fast as I could, letting the wind whip through my hair, making it look like a rat's nest afterwards.

Instead of wishing I could look like bikini-clad models in magazines, I remember playing with my dolls and stuffed animals, pretending like I was on a boat, and rescuing them all from a huge flood.

Instead of watching movies, (aside from Pooh Bear and Aristocats) I would make up productions and plays with my cousins to perform for our family and would be giggling too much to even say my lines.

I remember baking cookies and treats with grandma, loving the feeling of the soft dough on my fingers, not caring about the flour under my nails.

I would read books about the Boxcar Children and Nancy Drew, and tried to write my own mystery books by stapling together notebook paper.

I would put together puzzles, make paper dolls, play with toy cars and boats and make huge cities with blocks and Polly Pockets.

My mom would let me pick out my own outfits to wear, making me feel important and grown up.

So the thing is, I am so grateful that my parents sheltered me from the big, scary world.
My little mind remained perfectly untouched by the destructive media.

It was because of this, that I had such a happy childhood.

I was allowed to be a kid, and did not suffer the heartaches of feeling like I needed to be as pretty as this person, or wear this kind of clothing to be cool, or do this, or have that.

I feel bad for a lot of the kids whose minds are so polluted by things that they can't help but see and hear in public schools.

I feel bad for kids who are so self-destructive because of the constant comparisons that are filtering through their heads.

So if I were ever to give a piece of advice to anyone younger than me, it would be this:

There is nothing wrong with being a kid. You're an adult for most of your life, so be a kid while you can still be considered one.

Do not focus on what other people are saying is cool. Trends leave (and look silly years later), styles fade, and people's outer beauty withers away.

Instead, focus on serving God and becoming more of a loving person. Be kind, be honest, and don't take people's hateful comments to heart, because they shouldn't matter to you.

If you can learn to not care about what people think, and only care about God's opinion of you, then you will be the happiest person alive.

Romans 12:2-

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

It's Just a Joke

Something has bothered me ever since I was little, and I never knew why until I wrote it out, and it all sort of made sense to me. 

When people say jokes or just silly things, using God or the Bible as a base for it. 

I usually laugh along with everyone else.

But still... It has always bothered me, and I have only just recently found out why.

There is a certain song that is very beautiful, and has deep lyrics, and it means a lot to me personally. 

One day, it was stuck in my head. 

What I normally do when a song is stuck in my head is sing one part of it over and over without even thinking. It got to a point where I was so tired of it being stuck in my head that I "innocently" started singing one part of it in silly, exaggerated voices.

This was several months ago, but now, whenever I hear that song, all I can think of is it being sung in my silly voices.

Now, this song is nowhere near as important or sacred as the Bible, but you get the memo. 

The song lost some of it's meaning to me because I made light of it, and the same thing can happen with God and the Bible. 

When we make jokes about the Bible, we will never be able to think about it without thinking of the joke that is attached to that certain part in our brains, making it seem silly and unimportant in our minds. 

It has been tarnished...defiled, in a way.

In Bible times, you not only had to cleanse your mind to enter the temple, but you also had to literally bathe your body. As to not defile anything in relation to God, with your thoughts or even your appearance.

The Jews were not even allowed to speak the name of God as to hold its reverence. 

Nowadays, professed Christians use the name of God as a form of exclamation, and the base for jokes.

If we, as Christians cannot take the Gospel seriously, then how do we expect people that we are trying to witness to to take it seriously? 

Please know, if you do tell "Christian jokes" I will not judge you at all. That is something you choose to do, and maybe it doesn't change anything of how you think of the Bible. So this is not a slam on anyone who does. All I am doing is asking you to think about how that will affect your mind and other's  minds before you speak. 

Here is an example of what I'm talking about:

When we show children pictures of Noah's ark that looks like this:

Then that's what they'll picture it as for a long time, if not their whole life. A tiny little boat, with animals sticking their heads out, looking at perfectly peaceful waters, and Noah looking clueless. 

That is why I love what Ken Ham is doing by building a life-sized ark to show people what it actually looked like, and to give people a new image of it in their minds.

1 Peter 3:15-

"But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect..."

Hebrews 12:28b

"...and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe..."

God's Plan Is Not Open To Suggestions

This is a hard lesson that my stubborn little mind doesn't want me to learn.

God's plan is not open to suggestions.

Just what it says. No, it doesn't matter how eloquent your prayer is, or how much you plead with God, it will always turn out that God's original plan will happen, regardless of what you do to stop or change it. 

But does that mean that we should stop praying? 

No. Absolutely not. 

But instead of praying for this and this to happen, and for you to be able to buy this, or get that, pray for God's will to be done; the way Jesus prayed in the garden before He was about to die. 

Luke 22:42-

"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done."

Keep in mind that while Jesus was fully God, He was also 100% human, meaning that He felt pain and fear, and He didn't want to go through this horrible death.

But He didn't pray saying: "God, please, please, please don't make me do this!" 

No, He prayed that the Father's will be done, regardless of how scared He was. 

Also, don't just pray for God's will to be done, also pray that you will be willing to accept it with a grateful heart, no matter what it entails. 

Praying this way will increase your trust and love for the Lord. 

Do not pray in a selfish manner. That does nothing for your walk with God. Pray in a humble way, willing to fold to God's will.

James 4:3-

"You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures."

*Gasp* College is Not For Everyone

A couple months ago, I was practically being crushed under the weight of my own doubts and insecurities. I really did not feel like I was being called to go to college. I felt like it wasn't right for me, and like God had different plans for me. That's great, right? To each his own. 

It wasn't great. Not for me. All my friends were planning on college. They all (seemingly) had it figured out. Whenever I told anyone that I was a senior, the first question they always asked was 
"What college are you going to?" 

It was embarrassing for me to say that I probably wasn't going to college. 

What else are people who graduate are supposed to do, right?

Nobody was pressuring me intentionally. But it was small, very silly things that got to me. 

Such as articles called "Six Things You Need To Know Before Going To University" 

Or those college advertisements on Pandora. 

Or when I saw "Dorm-Friendly" items at the store. 

But especially when people asked what college I was going to. And then when I told them I wasn't, then their response of something like this "Oh... so what are you going to do then?" 

I would cry alone in my room and these lies would filter through my brain:
"Why am I too stupid for college?", 
"I'm going to be the only one who isn't ready and excited next fall.", 
"I won't have a good occupation later on.", 
"I'll regret this when I'm 35.", 
"I'll never be as good as everyone else."

After a lot of talking to my parents, and praying, I realized that I didn't have to go to college. I didn't have to fulfill anyone's expectations that every high school graduate would go to University. It was all in my head. I was ready to accept what God had for me, even if it was way different than every other person my age.

Then comes the funny part. I was reminded of my passion for hurting people, and how I love the idea of counseling. I realized that God wanted me to go to college for Biblical Counseling. 

Well, I totally just went through all that pain for nothing. 

WRONG. 

I went through that pain for a reason. I learned that I needed to follow God no matter where He takes me. Even if everyone thinks I'm weird or stupid. I need to disregard their opinions of me, and only focus on God's opinion of me. 

So even though I've decided that I do want to go to college, I learned a valuable lesson. 

I also know that there are people who truly aren't called to further education, and this next part is for you:

DO NOT. Repeat: DO NOT go to college because you feel left out. If GOD is telling to do something else, then do not let ANYONE tell you to do anything else. God is the ultimate authority. He knew what was good for you long, long before you were even born. 

Don't go to college for this reason: because that's the "thing to do", or because you don't want to let people down. 

Do what God is telling you to do. Your life will go so much better if you fold to His will. 

Look at the pain I went through and learn from that, so that you don't have to go through it too. 

It really doesn't matter what other people think if you have God on your side.

There's so many Bible verses about this, but I'll post three.

Galatians 1:10- 
For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Proverbs 29:25-
The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.

Acts 5:29-
But Peter and the apostles answered, “We must obey God rather than men.

Who Are YOU?

"Who am I?" 

   Is it just me, or do other people ask themselves this question every other day too? 

   I've lately been feeling like I'm not who I originally started out as when I was younger, and I think that it didn't come from natural growth. 

   I think I molded myself into a person that I really am not, by force. 

   When I was little, I was the daintiest little thing. I always tried to act grown up and sophisticated. I liked the color pink and lacy things and having tea parties. I liked the idea of being a queen (not a princess, mind you, but a queen). I remember feeling like kindness was the best thing in the world, and didn't understand why anyone would think otherwise. I was very sensitive, but felt the need to hold my head high for the sake of grace and elegance. 

   My older sister was the perfect opposite of me... and I thought the world of her. 
   She loved things like riding bikes and climbing trees and making bows and arrows out of sticks and string. She and my brother always stayed outside in the snow much longer than I would. We would all make mud pies together, but she got much dirtier than I would. I was always the one at the bottom of the tree watching in fear at how high she was climbing. She was mischievous and funny.

   I thought she was the coolest person on the planet (I mean, I still think that). I wanted to be like her. I hated the fact that I was so sensitive when it seemed like she could take on anything. 
I hated the fact that I always would exclude myself from the things they did because I didn't want to get my hands dirty. I hated the fact that she was always commended on how many books she's read, when all I really did was play with my dolls. 

   That's when I decided I was going to change. I was gonna be more like her. 

   I saw everything as a challenge. You can do 10 pushups? I can do 12. Dad asked her to carry a heavy box? I'm gonna do it. You can read three books in a week? I'm gonna read four. You can climb a tree? ...yeeaaahhh...I still can't climb trees. 

   Long story short, it worked. I did change. It was great. I could finally keep up with my older siblings and I was constantly complimented on how great a reader I was becoming. It got so bad that I changed my favorite color to blue. 
   
   As I grew up, I started liking the change. I hardened myself to a point where I wouldn't cry during movies or if someone said something mean-spirited. But with that particular change also came the fact that I had lost some of my compassion that I was so proud of just a few years earlier. 

   Today, I am a lot less girly and elegant than I used to be. I still have a lot of my old traits that I could never have gotten rid of, such as my love for art and beauty, but I have lost a lot of tenderness, I've become more snarky and sometimes unintentionally rude and disrespectful. I don't have the same sense of awe of the world like I used to, instead it's been replaced by a deep, gut-wrenching disgust. 

   I often look back and ponder on how different of a person I might be today if I had been content with who I was back then. 

   I regret the fact that I changed because I thought that one personality type was better than mine. I regret that I didn't know that God made us each unique and different for His glory. My personality fits me perfectly, and my sister's personality fits her perfectly. 

   So, if you're wishing you could be more like someone else, please, please, please don't change for anyone. God truly did make you who you are for a reason, and He doesn't want you trying to go and change that. 

   This, however, does not include bettering yourself by trying to get rid of bad habits or things you struggle with in general. That's a part of maturing. But if you try to change your personality for someone or because of someone, that's when it all goes downhill. 

  I've been working to re-obtain that gift that I had when I was little. That balance between being sensitive, but also not allowing myself to get hurt easily. 

   Through God's help, I can correct my faults and mistakes, and HE will be the one to mold me into what He wants me to be. 

1 Peter 4:10-
God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another.

Isaiah 64:8-
 Yet you, LORD, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.

Note: I have a great relationship with all of my siblings. We've all grown to love each other very much. Also, my sister and I have grown from being stark different to being very much alike.